Shame Resilience and Cutting

Shame Resilience Theory- Dr. Brene Brown, LMSW

The four elements of shame resilience are not in any particular order. One can begin practicing them in any order. They all, however, take practice and DO NOT cure one of shame. The goal is to develop resiliency to shame.

Guilt- “I did something bad.” (Behavior focused)
Shame- the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging (Brown, 2007). “I am bad” (self focused).

First Element: Recognizing Shame and Understanding Our Triggers

Understanding that shame affects us physically, as well as, emotionally is important for resilience. The physical symptoms are different for everyone.

Shame Triggers are situations, people, topics, etc. that trigger you to feel shame. Some are greater triggers than others. This is another area that is very individualized.
Unwanted Identities is one of twelve categories in which Dr. Brown, LMSW found that women struggle with feelings of shame.

(see myths and stereotypes for unwanted identities of the SIB population)

“Recognizing shame is an important tool for regaining our power.” –Dr. Brown, LMSW

Second Element: Practicing Critical Awareness

Critical awareness is “the belief that we can increase personal power by understanding the link between our personal experiences and larger social systems.” –Dr. Brown, LMSW
A good example of this is the images that the media use to paint the picture of being beautiful. In reality, even the models in magazines are airbrushed and technologically engineered to look tall, slim, and flawless.

Contextualizing vs. Individualizing
Normalizing vs. Pathologizing
Demystifying vs. Reinforcing

Third Element: Reaching Out

“One of the most important benefits of reaching out to others is learning that the experiences that make us feel the most alone are actually universal experiences.” –Dr. Brown, LMSW
By telling your story and hearing others’ stories you “force shame out of hiding and end the silence.” –Dr. Brown, LMSW

(For stories see S.A.F.E. Alternatives: Self Abuse Finally Ends)

Fourth Element: Speaking Shame

“There is nothing more frustrating, and sometimes frightening, than feeling pain and not being able to describe or explain it to someone.” –Dr. Brown, LMSW
When you begin to speak shame, you begin to find words to express what you are feeling and what you need from others.

One way to begin is to write a letter to friends and family. Start by finishing the following sentences:

“When I self injure, I feel _____________________________.” (afraid, ashamed, etc.)
“When I feel like self injuring, I need you to ____________.” (listen, ask questions, etc.)

Feel free to write as much as you feel comfortable with. When you are ready you can share the letter with your friends and family.

Dr. Brene Brown, LMSW recently published Connections: A 12 Session Psychoeducational Shame Resilience Curriculum based on her theory of shame resilience. This is a great tool for working with clients and shame resilience.

(Dr. Brene Brown, LMSW’s Connection Curriculum- A 12-Session)


Resources:

Brown, B. (2007). I thought it was just me (but it isn’t): Telling the truth about
perfectionism, inadequacy and power. New York: Gotham.

Tangney, J. P., & Dearing, R. (2002). Shame and Guilt. New York: The Guilford Press.

Dr. Brene Brown, LMSW’s Connection Curriculum- A 12-Session Psychoeducational Shame Resilience Curriculum